Yes...you read that correct...'Peeing in a wedding dress"
After spending the last few weeks reliving my wedding (which was so amazing and so much fun to do btw!) I remembered something that definitely deserved its own post....having to use the ladies room after my dress was on...
Most brides don't realize how truly difficult it is to go to the bathroom once your dress is on....or at least I didn't...
I wish I could give some good advice to future brides, but really I have none. All I have to say is I have the BEST bridesmaids in the ENTIRE world....So get yourselves some good bridesmaids!!! :)
Just wanted to give a special shout-out and a HUGE thank you to my amazing bridesmaids and my best friends, Katelyn & Tina. I have no idea what I would do without you girls, you TRULY were there for me through it all!
So let me start by saying that before I was bustled, Carrie led Jeff and I into the ballroom to see the reception all set up before anyone else did. I felt like I was on that David Tutera wedding show haha. As Carrie led us into the room with our eyes closed, I was filled with so much anticipation. When she said "open!" my jaw dropped and I could not believe what I was seeing. What I saw before me was my absolute dream wedding. The ballroom was lit up with my 'pink' lighting, our monogram was on the dance floor, light music was playing, the votive candles were lit, and omg I can not even explain how beautiful our flowers had turned out. Everything was absolutely PERFECT. It brought me to tears. I was also SO excited to finally see everything all put together and for Jeff to see what we have been working on for the past year. He was speechless as well.
After all the guests had been ushered into the ballroom the bridal party and the parents took their correct place and got ready for the introductions. It was SOO funny to watch all the bridal party practice all their dance moves for when they were introduced...all wearing sunglasses. As "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas started playing I got SO excited. The parents were first introduced, and then one by one the bridesmaids and groomsmen were introduced and they all did their little moves which ranged from 'leap frog,' 'beating the beat- NJ shore style,' and 'raising the roof.' Then finally...the DJ asked everyone to please rise and he announced "And it is with my great honor to introduce Mr. & Mrs. Jeffrey Bender!" O.M.G.
Jeff and I walked through all our excited guests, and made our way to the middle of the dance floor where we shared our first dance as husband and wife. I will be honest I cried during most of it, I was just so overwhelmed with happiness. At one point I closed my eyes and opened them thinking I would wake up from the most splendid dream and I realized I wasn't dreaming, this was real, I was dancing with my HUSBAND with all our loved ones looking upon us, in the middle of the most beautiful wedding reception...our wedding reception. I'm not sure if I've mentioned before but our first song was "Your Everything," by Keith Urban. That song pretty much captures all the emotions Jeff and I feel for each other...obviously it doesn't capture all of them, because that would be impossible! Jeff broke away from our 'little world' a few times to look at our parents who were all bawling, and told me not to look, because obviously I would loose it too!
After our first dance we made our way to our cute sweetheart table where champagne and bread was awaiting us. Fr. Lance gave an opening prayer which quickly followed by the Amuse-Bouche course which was tomato bisque soup with pesto cheese crostini (which BTW was AMAZING...and also was the ONLY thing Jeff & I had to eat the entire night...) My Dad then stood up to give his welcome speech. And let me tell you it was probably the most amazing welcome speech I have ever heard. It was so well thought-out, so well spoken, and it was delivered with so much love. He loves public speaking and is always a crowd pleaser at all his NRLA events, so this was obviously no exception. He started off welcoming everyone and acknowledging those who had traveled far to be with us. He then acknowledged my Mom for their 25th wedding anniversary and all that she has done during the past year to help with the wedding. He played the most amazing slide show of their life together and then presented her with a beautiful arrangement of 4 dozen red roses. It was so sweet and so special, it was so hard not to get choked up. After Jeff & I composed ourselves we made our way to the front to greet everyone ourselves and to announce a very important occasion..Emily's birthday! We had a cute birthday cake brought out with candles and presented her with a birthday tiara, and got everyone to sing Happy Birthday to her!
The Maid of Honor and Best Man speeches were phenomenal. Sean, Jeff's Best Man, gave such a heartfelt speech and said so many kind things about me...and Jeff and me as a couple. It meant so much to us. Emily, of course was adorable, and really surprised me with how composed, well-spoken, and articulate she was. My baby sister made us laugh...made us cry...and overall made me so proud of her and reminded me how lucky I am to have her as a sister. I couldn't have dreamed of a better Maid of Honor. <3
While the first course was served Jeff and I started making 'the rounds' to all the tables, to say hi to everyone and to thank them for coming. Our table visiting obviously took awhile since we had 26 tables, 209 guests, and we wanted to spend so much time with every single one of them! Jeff and I missed the first course, the second course, and the third course while visiting tables haha. Even though we missed all the courses, we filled ourselves with our yummy signature cocktail! ;)
A little more into the evening, Carrie approached us and said it was time to cut the cake! Yay! Our cake was soo beautiful, Perrin at VT Cake Studio did such a fabulous job! Cutting of the cake is such a cute tradition. It was such a 'sweet' moment between Jeff and I :) And no we did no mush the cake in each others faces! We simply put a dab of frosting on each others noses and fed each other with a fork :) We didn't get a big enough bite/piece to tell if it was good or not...but I later heard it was the most amazing wedding cake, so flavorful and fresh! So we were happy to hear that! We can not wait to try it out on our 1 year anniversary when we get to eat the top layer! lol.
The next ceremonial event was...the Father-Daughter dance...I knew it was going to emotional...but I really had no idea how emotional it was going to be...my Dad said a few words, and he then played a slide show of pictures of me growing up, which then led into our dance. Our song was "Daddy Let's Dance," by Jamie Tate. It was such a special moment, a moment that every little girl dreams of having with her daddy. Jeff and Mrs. Bender's mother-son dance was also emotional. Their song was "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong, such a classic.
A few other special things that happened during our reception was Jeff & I really wanted to acknowledge and celebrate 6 important people in our lives and their BIG anniversaries! This year is my parents and the Benders 25th wedding anniversary (they have the same exact wedding date...CRAZY!) and my Memere & Pepere's 50th. We asked our cake-designer to make 3 mini-wedding cakes so they could all 'cut the cake' like they did at their own weddings. I actually brought my parents knife they used at their wedding! After, the DJ played a montage of all their wedding songs. It was a lot of planning and coordination on my part....but it went PERFECTLY! They were all SO surprised and it was so special :) ALSO- to further celebrate my grandparents milestone anniversary- my Uncle Paul announced on behalf of the entire Anctil side (my Mom's side) that we were sending them on a cruise to the Western Caribbean! They were shocked! Jeff & I were so happy to share our special day and celebrate so many amazing occasions!
Later on...the DJ invited the bridal party back onto the dance floor, and played "You & ME," by Dave Matthews Band, a favorite of Jeff & I, and then invited all the other couples onto the dance floor. Once the dance floor was PACKED the DJ then transitioned over to a fast-paced song, that gave you the urge to dance! Needless to say the dance floor was PACKEDDDD the entire night after that. Which made us SO happy! I wanted everyone to dance and have fun, and it was soo much fun to see everyone going wild and letting loose! Our DJ, Corey, was SO awesome and SO much fun. He was going wild and having a dance party of his own behind his DJ booth! Born to Run was obviously played for AGP, and Heaven was obviously played for my favorite girlies, Alpha Phi! While Heaven was playing, I completely lost it...for multiple reasons...I knew that this would be the last time I would see all my friends for awhile before Jeff & I moved to Georgia. I tried to ignore the fact that it was kind of 'goodbye' for awhile, and I did a good job ignoring it, until Heaven was playing. I had my BEST friends around me, I was already filled with emotions and champagne, I mean how could I now completely break down for a moment?? (Love you all SO much..and miss you all like crazy! But no matter the distance I think of all of you always, and you guys will ALWAYS be my best friends <3)
SO- I definitely need to mention the bouquet and garter toss. Bridget O'Mally, my college roomie, caught my bouquet, and Brian Mason, fraternity brother and friend, caught the garter. It is tradition for the person who catches the garter to put it on the person who catches the bouquet. WELL- our DJ decided to 'spice' it up a bit...meaning he had to dance around her and try to 'impress' her. Let's just say I haven't laughed that hard in SO long. One of my favorite memories of the night, was during the last song. Since it was Em's birthday, the DJ played, "Say Ah." What made it special was some how all 4 of the Durfee siblings were dancing together celebrating Emily, and then people made a circle around us. It was so cute, and it really meant so much to me, and people could see how close of a family we were. Overall...our reception was AWESOME lol. We had the time of our lives. And what made it so special, was there was a glow of love and happiness that FILLED the entire room. I really can not describe that feeling. It was so incredible. And also, it meant so much to me that people saw how awesome my family is. I really am so blessed to have suchhhhh an amazing, fun, loving family.
Our reception ended about 11pm, Jeff & I were both STARVING...and a bit too happy from all the champagne! So we headed up to our 'hidden' bridal suite to where we were greeted with our dinners, more champagne, and rose petals everywhere :)
And that is how the Durfee-Bender went down. I will never forget that weekend. I couldn't have wished or dreamed for anything more. So yes I am now married to my best friend, the love of my life, and my soul-mate <3 Love you forever and more Jeffrey John Bender.
So this is me...Jessica Lynn Durfee signing off....and now Jessica Lynn Bender signing on!
April 17th was my Bridal Shower. And let me just start by saying it was the most amazing Bridal Shower, the most amazing day, and the most amazing memory I will always have to cherish. So I will also forewarn you all that this post is probably going to be really long!
Friday night all my Bridesmaids and I headed north to my house! It was so nice to have all my favorites in my home. However, at the same time they were so secretive, whispering, going into the other room to ‘talk’ etc, I was starting to feel a bit left out! But I knew that it was all for a good reason! Mrs. Bender & Jeff's grandmother also arrived Friday night. It was so nice of them to drive all the way from NJ to be at my bridal shower. It was also a little weird at the same time having them there and not Jeff, it just made me miss him that much more.
Saturday, I spent the morning with my Dad! The girls needed to get me out of the house so they could set up and decorate- so my Dad took me out and while we were out we bought Jeff’s wedding gift! When I arrived back home all the guests had already arrived and it was such a nice atmosphere to walk into. I quickly changed into my ‘Bridal Shower outfit’ and was presented with a gorgeous corsage, which my sorority big pinned on me which I thought was really special.
The house was gorgeous- everything was pink! My bridesmaids and my Mom did an amazing job, the set-up was absolutely perfect. Every detail was well thought-out and it was better then I ever imagined. The tables were gorgeous- they were adorned with pink and green linens, beautiful flowers as the center pieces, made by Charri! And at each place setting was a ‘Jessica’s Bridal Shower’ packet and the most adorable favor. The favors were a measuring spoon set with adorable sayings like a “pinch of love.” They were perfect considering I love to cook. Every detail really reflected my personality. That just goes to show I chose the perfect bridesmaids because they know me so well! Tina made the most adorable chocolate covered pretzels and the most amazing punch with a frozen fruit ring! The food was catered by Willy, a local favorite caterer and friend! His food is always amazing, and all the guests seemed to enjoy. The cake was so beautiful, and out of this world good! I felt like I was in my own personal heaven! Emily gave a really short but sweet speech, which made me tear-up, I have no idea how I'm going to get through the toasts at the wedding!
The bridesmaids also did an amazing job with the game portion of the party. In the ‘packets’ was 3 games. The first game was “Guess how old Jess is,” where there was a poster of 10 pictures of me at all different ages. The second game was 20 questions of Jess & Jeff trivia, which was adorable! And the third game was of course bridal bingo.
When it came time to open the gifts, I was quite overwhelmed. When I had arrived Friday night the pile of gifts was already hugeeeee, from everyone that couldn't make it. That pile obviously grew as guests arrived and it took over my living room. I’ve neverrrr seen a pile of gifts that huge! I was worried it was going to take hoursss opening all the gifts, so like I said I was quite overwhelmed. However, my bridesmaids had it under control. They were so organized, they made it fun, and the whole opening gifts went very smoothly and no one died of boredom! They had fun games during it which really kept it going.
I can not express the generosity of my family and my friends. I was blown away, and still am. Not only did I receive some amazingggg gifts for Jeff’s and my future home, we also received some very special and sentimental ones. My sorority little & bridesmaid, Amanda, made me the most amazing quilt. It was pictures of Jeff & I throughout the years and in the middle was “To have & to hold from this day forward, Jeff & Jess, June 5th, 2010” I was speechless, and obviously it brought me to tears. It was one of the most amazing and thoughtful gifts I have ever received. My Mom also made me a beautiful cross-stitch with Jeff’s and my names and our wedding date. My Mom apparently had been working on it ever since Jeff & I got engaged. So that gift obviously brought me to tears too. When we finally got to the last gift, I was already so emotional, exhausted, and overwhelmed, my bridesmaids hand me a bag from all of them, and I knew it was going to be another tear-jerker present. I was right; they had made me a scrapbook. Each had a page filled with pictures, notes, and memories. I couldn’t look at it so I saved it to look at it when everyone left. What made it even more special was because for Jeff’s graduation present I made him a scrapbook of EVERY single event he had during his college career and all our special moments, and wherever he went he would always have those memories with him. So they made my scrapbook to match Jeff’s, so I would have one too wherever I went.
As guests started leaving they all commented on how lovely the shower was, how lucky I was to have such a great group of friends, and they could not wait for the wedding. Coming from a small town we pride ourselves on having that 'small-town feeling and closeness.' I think my close family and friends from Vermont were so happy to see that I found that after I left Bethel. I truly am so lucky and blessed to have such an amazing support system in my life.
When everyone had left, I literally just stood there and didn't know what to do with myself. I was just filled with so much emotion. I was speechless. I decided I had to show my gratitude immediately so I proceeded to stay up until 2:45am writing all my thank you notes (64 of them!). I then looked at my scrapbook, and of course cried through the entire thing. You of course always have memories stored in your head, but to see them laid out in a book is quite overwhelming and emotional. So yes I'm a very emotional bride, not a bitchy one! Just overwhelmed with happiness and joy. I mean how can you not when you have family and friends like mine. I couldn't wait for Jeff to get back from the field to tell him everything. We both realized that we are truly one of the luckiest couples ever <3
So another HUGE thank you to my bridesmaids, my Mom, my family, my friends, and everyone that was able to make it.
This past weekend was not only Easter but it was also a Pink Champagne & Cookie Recipe party for me!! Mary-Jeanne, a.k.a. my other mother, my Mom's best friend, AND reader at my wedding, had the most adorable idea of throwing me a little party in honor of my engagement and my upcoming wedding! She unfortunately is most likely unable to attend my shower, so it was the perfect opportunity!
She sent out cute invites requesting people to come with their favorite cookie recipe and perhaps a sample! And boy did people bring samples! There had to be over 10-15 types of cookies, all delicious! I will admit I indulged :) All the recipes were put in this cute little clutch, which was soo me :) Overall it was a great afternoon!
It was so nice to be surrounded by hometown friends & family. With my shower being a big mix of people, it was special to have something with just us, with the people I grew up with and those who watched me grow up.
Mary-Jeanne, thank you sooo, so, so much again! You always know how to make me feel so special!
So it has been about a month since the last time I posted....and obviously so much has happened since then!
The highlight of this past month was BRIDESMAID DRESSES!! About a month or two ago, my bridesmaids and I decided that October 17th would be a great time to all meet up and pick out bridesmaid dresses! A few weeks before the 'big day' I did so much research online and in bridal salons to figure out what exactly I was looking for. I knew the style I wanted: I wanted a sweetheart top dress, that was flowy, and most likely tea-length. I wanted the sweet-heart top because it would match my dress, and you know me "matchy-matchy!" I obviously already knew the color, my bold "Lily" pink. So the tricky thing was finding a company that carried my color.....in the dress I envisioned. After doing some "recon" as Jeff would say, I found a few companies that carried the exact color I was looking for, in a few dresses that might work. I then found local salons that carried those designers. After comparing all the different salons I decided to bring my business to a local salon right in Waltham. They had a majority of the dresses I had found on-line, they were right in Waltham so it was super convenient, AND they offered me 15% off and free shipping to all my bridesmaids. PERFECT!
My thought of mind going into "Bridesmaid Dress Day" was that I wanted this to be quick, simple, and easy. No stress, no upset bridesmaids, and no upset bride! To eliminate all those things I visited the bridal shop multiple times, and took time looking through every single dress on their racks, and picked out about ten dresses I thought might work. The owner promised to have all the dresses pulled and ready for my bridesmaids to choose from on the day of our appointment. I decided this would make everyone's lives easier. It was really important to me that my bridesmaids had a say in the dress. I wanted them to feel comfortable, beautiful, and happy. And happy bridesmaids make for a happy bride! Also by pre-selecting a group of dresses it minimized all complaining, stress, and the amount of time. My plan couldn't have gone smoother!
On Saturday the 17th, all my bridesmaids gathered at my apartment in Waltham. It made me so happy that I was surrounded by all my best friends and the fact they were all here for me! The feeling was incredible. My best friend from home, Meredith, drove down the night before and we went out to dinner in Boston with a few of the other bridesmaids. It was so much fun having Meredith there and hanging out with all my best friends here. Everyone clicked SO well and I couldn’t have been more pleased. My Mom, Memere, and Em, came up from Nashua, NH Saturday morning, and the rest of my bridesmaids live locally so they just drove over Saturday morning. The only bridesmaid that couldn’t make it was Elisa, but that is because she is currently in Idaho!
So after visiting at my apartment we made our way across Waltham to the bridal salon.
The dresses were already pulled so each Bridesmaid held up two dresses. By process of elimination we were down to 4 dresses. This quickly was narrowed down to two. Each bridesmaid tried on each of the two dresses. It was blatantly obvious which dress was the dress.
The dress we chose was PERFECT. It was exactly what I had envisioned; it looked AMAZING on EVERY SINGLE GIRL. AND it came in my color. It was just meant to be!
I’m not going to go into to much detail about the dress we chose, you'll just have to wait and see how beautiful the 8 of them are on my wedding day! They will be STUNNING!
*The first picture of Meredith and Em, are a few dresses they tried on...NOT the winners! **The second picture is of me and all of my beautifullll bridesmaids! (minus Elisa!)
Everyone seems to know exactly who they want to be in their wedding party....so when the question is popped...one of the first things announced is who is in their bridal party....I was not one of those people. It took me over a month, agonizing who to announce as my final bridal party. In my heart I already knew who I wanted and who would be the perfect bridesmaids, but I was toying with the idea of having 6...0r 8......and if I chose 6, that means I would have to make a really hard decision of cutting two girls out....but I knew my first step was to finalize on a number...6 or 8. At first my Mom thought 8 was outrageous, and it was soo many.. Which it is...and I mean I had always envisioned 6 bridesmaids....so 6 seemed like the right number. Right?
After many conversations with Jeff, my mom, my wedding planner, some close friends....the number would change every week...then I decided to take a different approach, who do I truly want in my bridal party, and who can I envision being the perfect bridesmaids, and who do I want standing up there with me as I married Jeff?? My wedding planner and also Robyn, my big sister, gave me the same great advice, which I will give others, if you are having issues choosing then ask yourself a simple question.... "Will this girl be upset if they are not in your bridal party?" And if the answer is "Yes" then they should NOT be in your bridal party, because they are obviously not a true friend and would be more concerned with themselves then you on whats supposed to be "your" day. I was like wowww, that is amazing advice, because I had never thought of it that way. So with each girl I asked myself this question and 8 girls I immediately thought "no" and then there were a few more I was thinking of...and they were all "yes" ... The answer was simple...it was 8.....8 special girls that have in some way impacted my life and has influenced the person I am today. I know they will do anything for me on a drop of a hat and will be amazing, amazing bridesmaids. I also know that these 8 girls have always been there for me, and will always be there for me. I also know that these 8 girls have always had my back, and will always have my back. These girls are my best friends, my soul mates, and my loves. They've also been in support of Jeff and my relationship, and they've never had the jealously bug and just shared my happiness instead of try and dampen it.
After I made my final decision I created "Will you be my bridesmaid?" cards and sent them out on their way. And everyone's reactions when they received the card made me smile inside because I knew I had 100% made the right decision, and I felt silly stressing over it so much!
So 8 bridesmaids, and I couldn't be happier!
I love you Emily (My Maid of Honor!), Elisa, Tina, Katelyn, Meredith, Amanda, Robyn, and Berns!
Started dating in 2005, Engaged in St. Lucia 2009, Married June 5th, 2010! No longer a bride, but now a wife and loving life, however still obsessed with all things wedding!
It was so nice to be surrounded by hometown friends & family. With my shower being a big mix of people, it was special to have something with just us, with the people I grew up with and those who watched me grow up.
